How to create discrimation.....

If you have time to watch a documentary about discrimination, watch this:

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/divided/etc/view.html?utm_campaign=homepage&utm_medium=top5&utm_source=top5

Calling all gay dads! on SameSame.com.au

Calling all gay dads! on SameSame.com.au

The gay issue in the media

I was reading on the herald sun online news today that Neighbours is introducing a gay character to the show. The article was poorly written and promoting backlash from the public about it. Why is it that main stream television seem to love the drama of creating fear within the general public. Don't get me wrong, I think it is a great idea that Neighbours is doing this, however I hope that they have done their research and portray the character as a real true gay person. The homophobic comments that were posted on the article were a pure example of what sort of people that are still out and have no understanding or acceptance of the GLBTIQ community.

Channel 10 has a lot to live up for with this subject and I hope they pass with flying colours. It may just help the GLBTIQ youth prevent suicide regarding their sexuality and that they can be accepted as the person they are and now that there is help out there.

Family First - Wendy Francis comes out firing about Gay Marriage to the be like legalising child abuse. As a gay father I find these remarks quite offensive for the community and I would love to contest her to show documented proof of this. You will find that a majority of child abuse is in the heterosexual community and usually not the biological parent. She has obviously been brought up without any love and acceptance in her life... I am glad that my children are growing up to learn and respect and accept people for who they are. The next generation of children will be the one that will be able to make a difference. But we as adults need to set the example and show them...

It is great to see that there is a lot media attention around the election and same sex marriage. It is showing the GLBTIQ community need to get out and be heard, no one is going to make the change for you, if you do not do anything about, if you think that things will change without6 having to do anything, think again.... I will be at the same sex marriage rally on Saturday, with my children and partner, to support the GLBTIQ community and fight for equal rights.....

It is also wonderful to see a new website just launched http://www.comingoutishardtodo.com It is about sharing stories of coming out and putting abit of spin on it..... Have a look and if you want to share your story, please do so....

The Gay Rights Election

The election campaign is heating up to be an interesting one, with the underdog of equal rights for the GLBTIQ community hiding in the shadows of the election promises. As the major parties squabble over winning the votes of the ordinary white Australians. They are forgetting the minority groups who can break or make the government. The biggest problem for these 2 major parties is that the horse has already bolted with regards to their opinions of same sex marriage.

I have been talking to a number of people about the voting process of voting the Greens. They seem to be confused with the Greens giving their preference votes to Labour. However by you voting for the Greens will give them more power in the Senate, where it is the most important place in the government as it is the place where the bills and legalisations are passed, and if we have more Greens candidates in the senate, then the bill for same sex marriage will be passed. Julia does not have the final say as most people think.

It is also a great time to attend the same sex marriage rallies throughout Australia on Saturday 14th August, a week before the elections, if we can make an impact on the people of Australia by campaigning hard on the day and during the week, people will go to the polls with that in the back of their minds.

Countries all over the world are legalising same sex marriage at a great rate, and it won't be long that Australia will have to legalise same sex marriage. To most people same sex marriage to them is about the right to get married in a church, it goes deeper then that, it is about equal rights, for all, regardless of gender. I was gobsmacked that the current Marriage act was dated 1961, that is 49 years ago, we have come a long way since then. It is time for the marriage act to be updated.

Gay Dads National Conference 2010

I have the privilege to part of the Gay Dads National Conference 2010 to be held 18th and 19th September in Melbourne. This is a great opportunity for gay dads of all kinds to get together and share the knowledge and wisdom of raising children as a gay dad and for those who want to become dads.

Being a gay dad to me, is no different to any other dad. We all represent the fatherhood of our children regardless how they are brought into our lives, whether it is through surrogacy, co-parenting, adoption, fostering or through a heterosexual relationship. Coming out of a heterosexual relationship into the gay world was a bit daunting for me at the time, as I was trying to work what does a gay dad do.... As it worked out I had to change nothing, my children had always knew me as their dad and always will, regardless of what I did.

I did find that a few things had to change from being a hetro dad to a gay dad. One being of course, my partner. Being of the same sex as me, the children had to adjust to the idea of their dad being with someone of the same sex. I was lucky that I had the chance to explain that their dad was gay before he embarked on a same sex relationship. When it came to the relationship part my children were adjusted to the fact that their dad was gay. Being a part of a separated family for quite some time, they got used of the idea that mum lives at one house and dad at another.

Now that their mum has a partner and I have partner both being male, the children have started to ask questions about the "Step Dad". Who is their real step dad?? I told them that both are step dads in their own way. My children have grown to love my partner as part of the family, he helps with the raising of the children, the disciplining, and of course he loves to cuddle with them watching TV. I look at this and think why are we treated different to the heterosexual step family. It maybe because the stigma of many gay guys, believe that they do not belong in a family with their partner who has children, they may feel that they are on the exterior of the relationship. I have overcome this with my partner by allowing him to involved with the wellbeing of my children, yes, we do have our difference, but I have also learnt alot from him about being a great dad to my children. Step gay dads can play an important role in the children lives and the building of a stable relationship within the family.

For more information on the Gay Dads National Conference click here

Same Sex Marriage and Children

I have had an interesting week this last week or so about same sex marriage and children in gay families.

I was never really a big fan of same sex marriage, when I was a single gay dad. It never appealed to me as why the GLBTIQ community were fighting for equal rights and same sex marriage. I was happy to just be a gay dad, and to provide the best for my children. I was going about my everyday life as best as it could be. BUT, now that has all changed. I am in a loving relationship with an amazing person who adores my children as his own.

He took me to my first political rally, which was the same sex rally in Melbourne earlier this year. I was amazed of the turn out the different diverse of people there supporting same sex marriage. This was a major turning point for me as a founder of GLOCKIDS and Coming Out Australia . It got me thinking about me own relationship with my partner and my children. This is what family is about, showing the commitment to each other that love is all around and as gays, lesbians, bisexual and transgender or any other identity that identifies us in the GLBTIQ community. I now what to be able to marry my partner and have the same equal rights I had when I was previously married as a heterosexual person. I have since attended the Same Sex Marriage rally in Ballarat and have taken a active stand against homophobia and the support of Same Sex Marriage.

The other day in the car, one of my children asked if my partner was step dad to him, he said that it was up to my son to call him what ever he wanted. That blow me away as we have never talked to my children about the step dad thing or same sex marriage, but it got me thinking that this is the generation we need to educate about same sex marriage and the different types of families that are out there, and it is ok to have these kinds of families as long as they are in a loving environment.

I heard on the radio that both Kevin Rudd and Tony Abbott at a Christian conference, advised the audience that they both do not support same sex marriage. That just goes to show that we have a long battle on our hands and we need to get out there and fight for it.

Rural Town Homophobia and Mentality

Hello every one,

Hope you all had a wonderful weekend.

This week I am going to write about homophobia in rural towns. This weekend my partner and I went to Ballarat to support the same sex marriage rally on Sunday. We travelled up on the Saturday evening, after my extensive Q & A Mentor training. We settled nicely into our motel room before setting out for dinner.

We went to the main street to check out the restaurants, we picked one from driving past, as it seemed to be a nice place to go, WRONG.... As we approached it, it seemed to filled with the typical rural town Aussie families. It would have been an interesting conversation for all there to see 2 openly gay guys have dinner in their restaurant. So we choose to eat elsewhere. We picked a nice Greek Restaurant, which was perfect, it was quiet and the meals were delicious.

The next day, My Partner and I made our way to the meeting place for the rally... There were not as many as you would expect to see, say at Melbourne, but the turnout was a great small support group. So we headed off on the mission to be vocal about the fight for equal rights. We did not have any police escort (was this because, we are seen as a small minority group, who is out there to make a nuisance and to be seen as wasting police resources). We trodden along the footpaths into the main street, past shops and restaurants, with people trying to work out as to what was happening in their small quiet sleepy town. Some people waved and smiled and were happy to take the flyers we were handing out, some were absolute shock horror, as if we are diseased ridden venoms, trying their best to ignore us and go about their lives as we were not there. These are the people we need to push with, being in their faces, being out and loud, so they can hear us, and for them to know we are not going away.

It made me appreciate the comfort I have living in Melbourne and to be openly affectionate with my partner in public. But to try that in a rural town , is asking for trouble. It is easier for me to remove myself from that as I don't live there. I really do feel for the GLBTIQ community of the rural towns, that have no support or resources, as I grew up in a town with the similar mentality. I think it is time that the GLBTIQ community of the big smoke, get out there amongst the rural community and help fight homophobia. I will be making it my aim to help change that, by becoming more involved with theses communities, through my organisations such as Glockids and Coming Out Australia.

I applaud Koby Drake for organising the Ballarat Same Sex Marriage Rally, as for a young man, who has been exposed to the homophobia and small town mentality of the ignorance people to make a stand for what he believes is his right and the right for other people in the rural GLBTIQ community, is a huge effort and should not be sneezed at. He is a perfect example of what the youth of the GBLTIQ community should be doing to make a difference for their generation and future generations to come. To fight homophobia, we have to make a visual presence and be heard. No matter how small the protests are or how they start, it is the continual support and drive is what will make the difference. We may not be able to change the attitudes of the older generation, but we can certainly make a change to the attitudes of the younger generation.

My Coming Out Story

Hello Everyone,

I will make this blog a short one. I shared my "Coming Out" story with the Same Same organisation.

http://www.samesame.com.au/support/5462/I-had-to-leave-my-wife-and-kids.htm

You may ask why I would want to do such a thing. I look at it this, as a way of sharing my journey will inspire others. Sharing your experience can be rewarding.....

Homophobia

Homophobia. We know it is there, but we do not want to talk about it.

Homophobia is a range of negative attitudes and feelings towards homosexuality and people identified or perceived as being homosexual.

I never really worried about the word, when I came out 4 years ago, and never really worried about up until recently, with my son's school and when the article of Jason Akermanis telling the "gays to stay in the closet". I read the article with quite some interest as to how the article was constructed. It shocked me as to how the article was strong about homophobia and being gay was like a disease. Jason explaining how he felt uncomfortable being around a gay person and he could never understand it.

Maybe, if he did the research on homophobia and being gay, the article would have been constructed in a completely different manner and have a completely different meaning. I am sure if he had taken the time to find an organisation in the GLBTIQ community to discuss his article before it was publish, he would thought twice about what to say. I can see the point that what he was trying to say, that now is not the time for the AFL to embrace homosexuality, but to come across as closet homophobia does make you think that he has not been educated enough to understand what he was saying.I applaud the younger generation in taking the step to identifying their sexuality and being proud of it dealing with homophobia in such a resilent manner.

As a gay parent, I realise that my children will be exposed to homophobia behaviour one day, that will be directed at them because their dad is gay. How do you teach your children about homophobia behaviour, when they are not gay? This is one area, that I think that it has not been addresses in the gay community on a large scale. Has there ever been any gay bashing directed at a heterosexual child of a gay parent? We may never know, as the child, may see it as a normal bullying issue. I had a situation not long ago with my eldest at school, I addressed the school about it and asked the question what they thought the bullying was about. They did not understand my question or where I was coming from. I asked them if they looked into the bullying in relation to homophobia behaviour. They were quite shocked and not happy that I would bring up such a subject. This just go to show you that the school had no strategies put in place for this kind of bullying issue. I found out later, that I was probably the other gay parent related to any child in the school. Thes school has drafted a homophobia policy, to integrated with their racist, sexism policy. Oh by the way, the bullying issue had nothing to do with homophobia, they were fighting over a book. But this did demonstrate the mentality of the education of homophobia in the general society. I have taught my children that they do not have accept homophobia and that it is not a disease.

Coming out and Children

This week has been an interesting week for us all in the GLBTIQ community. With same sex marriage rallies through out Australia fighting for the right of equal love and status, Jason Akermanis telling us to stay in the closet and the story of NSW minister David Campbell being filmed leaving a gay sauna.

I attended the same sex rally in Melbourne and it was my first of such event. At first I was unsure of what I would be confronted with, but when I got there I was thrilled to see the diversity of people there gay, straight, black,white, old and young.A huge thank you must go the organisers, as without them these events would not be possible, and to have Ian Mckellen as a guest speaker was the icing on the cake. We need to keep fighting for the right of equality. It was great to see mums and dads with children waving the rainbow flag. I had wished that I had dragged my own children along to see that GLBTIQ community is no different to any other community in Australia. I will make sure that they will be dragged to the next, even if they are kicking and screaming. (JOKE). They will love it, as much as I will by showing off my rainbow family to the world. I think it is important for children to see the world through their parents eyes sometimes and get a feeling of the community they belong to. My children have had some of exposure to the gay community, but mainly through staying at home with me and my partner on the alternate weekends. We are a normal family in the sense that the kids get to go the park, movies and play with family and Friends of ours. We tend to try and work out when is the best time to tell me or show them the other world. I personally believe that the time is when we adults are comfortable with ourselves to be in the community and to be a part of it. I have been in the community for awhile, and now my children are old enough to understand the difference between living mum's straight house and dad's gay house, it is time to let them have freedom in the gay community and to be welcomed into it.

Jason Akermanis has really put a damper of the buzz I was feeling after the rally this week, with his comments regarding gay AFL players coming out. I guess we sometimes need to be brought back to reality that homophobia is still present in the community and at a high level. I have spoken to a number of people about this and some have defended Jason's comment, saying that he is not homophobic, he is just making a point as a columnist. If he was making these comments as a columnist he surely would not make comments advising gay players to stay in the closet because it makes other feel uncomfortable, He should have made comments about supporting the coming out and getting the ones who are uncomfortable to talk about it. I think Jason was way off the mark, and he know he would get the reaction he did, as this is about him and not the gay community in general. I hope that this article and Jason's comments does stop anyone from coming out when they are ready.

On this point, the story of David Campbell. This highlights the world we live in. The media can be your best Friend and your worst enemy. I feel for David, as one who has lived a double life, trying to do the best for your family and trying to be who you should be. When you past that point of denial and trying to lead a double, you question yourself everyday as to who you really are, you are always looking for that identity status. You love your family because they give you a sense of structure in the eyes of everyone around, but deep down you are lost of structure, as you know what you are doing is wrong to yourself. This is not about any other person but yourself. It was David's choice to live his life like this and not for the media to expose it. I have read many comments in the media about David's situation and to hear that Channel 7 used the excuse that it was the public's right to know is wrong. This was a case of out to get dirt on him. Sexuality had nothing to do with his role in the government, and that the fact they said it was because he used a government to go to a sauna, is wrong. What about all the other ministers who have used their cars for things that their should not have, bet you won't hear about a minister using a car to go to church. no, it is because going to church is a good thing. The government is ruled by 2 things money and religion (banks and churches). Now the damage is done and David now has to start all over again to find his true self and inner strength to be able to move on from this as does his family. There are so many people in the situation and they just don't know what to do. They see it easier to stay in the situation they are in because they fear of hurting the ones that they love, by denying their own feelings for self.

Glockids - is here to help people in this situation and to help them find their true self, whether it is to stay, or to move on, it is the individuals choice not anybody elses, including the media.

Being a gay parent

Welcome to the first blog of GLOCKIDS.

I created GLOCKIDS, as a gay parent of children conceived through a heterosexual relationship. I found it hard to put myself in the category as a gay parent within the gay community. I saw myself a parent first then a gay person. But over the years that change to being a gay person as a parent. I was just blessed to be able to have children naturally (if you want to call it that).

My children were young when I came out and left the family environment to start my journey as a gay person. I was struggling at the time to find my identity. I had to go through the processes of finding the person I am, while still playing the parent role. I felt I was still living 2 lives, but in 2 different locations. My children also struggled as well, as they were asking so many questions, like why did you leave? How come you left? was it because of us?. I tried to answer their questions, without giving the away fact I was gay, thinking that they would not understand. I didn't really know the answer to the questions, because i did not know the answers to my own questions that were going around in my head. My children were young at the time the eldest being only 6 years old, but old enough to know that daddy does not live at home anymore and it was not fair. My middle one was 4 years old and it had not really hit him yet, but he was confused. My youngest was 6 months old, so I guess he had no idea at all. I was having my children on the weekends, when they came to stay with me in a single bedroom apartment.

I had to get out there in the gay community and see what it was really like, the scene, the people, the diversity, I was looking for my jigsaw piece in the big picture. But it was difficult, as it felt like I had a time limit, I had to find it quick, so I could find the answers for my children and myself. Again I was drifting between the persona of the single gay guy to the dad on the weekends. It was hard to explain to a date that "I have children", some guys would run so fast that they burnt the rubber off their shoes and some guys were so smitten that you had children that they would want to meet them on the weekend and play uncle, if felt like they were treating the children, like pets. cute and cuddly.

It got to the point where I did not bother with the scene, as I started to accept the fact that I was suppose to be the single dad who happens to be gay. I withdraw from the gay community and focused on providing for my children. When I look back at this now, I see that it was not exactly the right thing to do as, I was still struggling with my identity. I would close the world down. The questions were eating at me, I needed to find them and I needed to talk to my children as the feeling of my relationship with my children was fading, I was becoming a shadow of my former self, no inner confidence, no self respect. i felt like a robot, just seeing the children for their sake and the sake of their mother... I did not see it as for my own sake, but I was told that it was for my sake, I was like how, I can't see it. I did not even know who I was. Wasn't that the reason why I left, to find who I was??

But over time, things changed, I started my spiritual journey to find answers and to ask questions. I remember the day I first found the courage to talk to my children about my sexuality. it was Father's day of 2007. I had taken my children to the park, and I was sitting on the bench watching my children play on the swings in their own little world, it was like nothing ever mattered to them. It was quite an amazing feeling to realise that they were content. So I called for my eldest to come over sit with me on the bench. I asked him if he loved me, he said "of course, why wouldn't I?" I asked if he know what the word gay meant, he said "yes, boys kiss boys". I asked him if he had a problem with daddy kissing big boys, he said "no, as long as you are happy, I am happy". that is when it dawned on me, that my children would not have an issue with my sexuality.

That was the day, I found my true identity as a gay parent.