Homophobia

Homophobia. We know it is there, but we do not want to talk about it.

Homophobia is a range of negative attitudes and feelings towards homosexuality and people identified or perceived as being homosexual.

I never really worried about the word, when I came out 4 years ago, and never really worried about up until recently, with my son's school and when the article of Jason Akermanis telling the "gays to stay in the closet". I read the article with quite some interest as to how the article was constructed. It shocked me as to how the article was strong about homophobia and being gay was like a disease. Jason explaining how he felt uncomfortable being around a gay person and he could never understand it.

Maybe, if he did the research on homophobia and being gay, the article would have been constructed in a completely different manner and have a completely different meaning. I am sure if he had taken the time to find an organisation in the GLBTIQ community to discuss his article before it was publish, he would thought twice about what to say. I can see the point that what he was trying to say, that now is not the time for the AFL to embrace homosexuality, but to come across as closet homophobia does make you think that he has not been educated enough to understand what he was saying.I applaud the younger generation in taking the step to identifying their sexuality and being proud of it dealing with homophobia in such a resilent manner.

As a gay parent, I realise that my children will be exposed to homophobia behaviour one day, that will be directed at them because their dad is gay. How do you teach your children about homophobia behaviour, when they are not gay? This is one area, that I think that it has not been addresses in the gay community on a large scale. Has there ever been any gay bashing directed at a heterosexual child of a gay parent? We may never know, as the child, may see it as a normal bullying issue. I had a situation not long ago with my eldest at school, I addressed the school about it and asked the question what they thought the bullying was about. They did not understand my question or where I was coming from. I asked them if they looked into the bullying in relation to homophobia behaviour. They were quite shocked and not happy that I would bring up such a subject. This just go to show you that the school had no strategies put in place for this kind of bullying issue. I found out later, that I was probably the other gay parent related to any child in the school. Thes school has drafted a homophobia policy, to integrated with their racist, sexism policy. Oh by the way, the bullying issue had nothing to do with homophobia, they were fighting over a book. But this did demonstrate the mentality of the education of homophobia in the general society. I have taught my children that they do not have accept homophobia and that it is not a disease.

Coming out and Children

This week has been an interesting week for us all in the GLBTIQ community. With same sex marriage rallies through out Australia fighting for the right of equal love and status, Jason Akermanis telling us to stay in the closet and the story of NSW minister David Campbell being filmed leaving a gay sauna.

I attended the same sex rally in Melbourne and it was my first of such event. At first I was unsure of what I would be confronted with, but when I got there I was thrilled to see the diversity of people there gay, straight, black,white, old and young.A huge thank you must go the organisers, as without them these events would not be possible, and to have Ian Mckellen as a guest speaker was the icing on the cake. We need to keep fighting for the right of equality. It was great to see mums and dads with children waving the rainbow flag. I had wished that I had dragged my own children along to see that GLBTIQ community is no different to any other community in Australia. I will make sure that they will be dragged to the next, even if they are kicking and screaming. (JOKE). They will love it, as much as I will by showing off my rainbow family to the world. I think it is important for children to see the world through their parents eyes sometimes and get a feeling of the community they belong to. My children have had some of exposure to the gay community, but mainly through staying at home with me and my partner on the alternate weekends. We are a normal family in the sense that the kids get to go the park, movies and play with family and Friends of ours. We tend to try and work out when is the best time to tell me or show them the other world. I personally believe that the time is when we adults are comfortable with ourselves to be in the community and to be a part of it. I have been in the community for awhile, and now my children are old enough to understand the difference between living mum's straight house and dad's gay house, it is time to let them have freedom in the gay community and to be welcomed into it.

Jason Akermanis has really put a damper of the buzz I was feeling after the rally this week, with his comments regarding gay AFL players coming out. I guess we sometimes need to be brought back to reality that homophobia is still present in the community and at a high level. I have spoken to a number of people about this and some have defended Jason's comment, saying that he is not homophobic, he is just making a point as a columnist. If he was making these comments as a columnist he surely would not make comments advising gay players to stay in the closet because it makes other feel uncomfortable, He should have made comments about supporting the coming out and getting the ones who are uncomfortable to talk about it. I think Jason was way off the mark, and he know he would get the reaction he did, as this is about him and not the gay community in general. I hope that this article and Jason's comments does stop anyone from coming out when they are ready.

On this point, the story of David Campbell. This highlights the world we live in. The media can be your best Friend and your worst enemy. I feel for David, as one who has lived a double life, trying to do the best for your family and trying to be who you should be. When you past that point of denial and trying to lead a double, you question yourself everyday as to who you really are, you are always looking for that identity status. You love your family because they give you a sense of structure in the eyes of everyone around, but deep down you are lost of structure, as you know what you are doing is wrong to yourself. This is not about any other person but yourself. It was David's choice to live his life like this and not for the media to expose it. I have read many comments in the media about David's situation and to hear that Channel 7 used the excuse that it was the public's right to know is wrong. This was a case of out to get dirt on him. Sexuality had nothing to do with his role in the government, and that the fact they said it was because he used a government to go to a sauna, is wrong. What about all the other ministers who have used their cars for things that their should not have, bet you won't hear about a minister using a car to go to church. no, it is because going to church is a good thing. The government is ruled by 2 things money and religion (banks and churches). Now the damage is done and David now has to start all over again to find his true self and inner strength to be able to move on from this as does his family. There are so many people in the situation and they just don't know what to do. They see it easier to stay in the situation they are in because they fear of hurting the ones that they love, by denying their own feelings for self.

Glockids - is here to help people in this situation and to help them find their true self, whether it is to stay, or to move on, it is the individuals choice not anybody elses, including the media.

Being a gay parent

Welcome to the first blog of GLOCKIDS.

I created GLOCKIDS, as a gay parent of children conceived through a heterosexual relationship. I found it hard to put myself in the category as a gay parent within the gay community. I saw myself a parent first then a gay person. But over the years that change to being a gay person as a parent. I was just blessed to be able to have children naturally (if you want to call it that).

My children were young when I came out and left the family environment to start my journey as a gay person. I was struggling at the time to find my identity. I had to go through the processes of finding the person I am, while still playing the parent role. I felt I was still living 2 lives, but in 2 different locations. My children also struggled as well, as they were asking so many questions, like why did you leave? How come you left? was it because of us?. I tried to answer their questions, without giving the away fact I was gay, thinking that they would not understand. I didn't really know the answer to the questions, because i did not know the answers to my own questions that were going around in my head. My children were young at the time the eldest being only 6 years old, but old enough to know that daddy does not live at home anymore and it was not fair. My middle one was 4 years old and it had not really hit him yet, but he was confused. My youngest was 6 months old, so I guess he had no idea at all. I was having my children on the weekends, when they came to stay with me in a single bedroom apartment.

I had to get out there in the gay community and see what it was really like, the scene, the people, the diversity, I was looking for my jigsaw piece in the big picture. But it was difficult, as it felt like I had a time limit, I had to find it quick, so I could find the answers for my children and myself. Again I was drifting between the persona of the single gay guy to the dad on the weekends. It was hard to explain to a date that "I have children", some guys would run so fast that they burnt the rubber off their shoes and some guys were so smitten that you had children that they would want to meet them on the weekend and play uncle, if felt like they were treating the children, like pets. cute and cuddly.

It got to the point where I did not bother with the scene, as I started to accept the fact that I was suppose to be the single dad who happens to be gay. I withdraw from the gay community and focused on providing for my children. When I look back at this now, I see that it was not exactly the right thing to do as, I was still struggling with my identity. I would close the world down. The questions were eating at me, I needed to find them and I needed to talk to my children as the feeling of my relationship with my children was fading, I was becoming a shadow of my former self, no inner confidence, no self respect. i felt like a robot, just seeing the children for their sake and the sake of their mother... I did not see it as for my own sake, but I was told that it was for my sake, I was like how, I can't see it. I did not even know who I was. Wasn't that the reason why I left, to find who I was??

But over time, things changed, I started my spiritual journey to find answers and to ask questions. I remember the day I first found the courage to talk to my children about my sexuality. it was Father's day of 2007. I had taken my children to the park, and I was sitting on the bench watching my children play on the swings in their own little world, it was like nothing ever mattered to them. It was quite an amazing feeling to realise that they were content. So I called for my eldest to come over sit with me on the bench. I asked him if he loved me, he said "of course, why wouldn't I?" I asked if he know what the word gay meant, he said "yes, boys kiss boys". I asked him if he had a problem with daddy kissing big boys, he said "no, as long as you are happy, I am happy". that is when it dawned on me, that my children would not have an issue with my sexuality.

That was the day, I found my true identity as a gay parent.